8/8/08

A look at the past...

Tonight Norman and I have been talking about our dating, and how we navigated that entire dating journey and ended up here, in bed, happy as clams, each on our laptops being the geeks that we are. We got really nostalgic, and looking back at our lives, it is such a miracle that we found our way to each other. He blesses me every day.

But what we really have talked about is my friend Michelle. I miss her with every fiber of my being, and will love her always. Friends are so precious, and to lose perhaps the best friend you will ever have, is something I still don't even know how to deal with. I'm so blessed to have begun a relationship with her mom; I feel Michelle thru her, and know that as long as she is loved and thought about and talked about, she is here with me. I'd like to think that as I sit typing this blog, that she is sitting on the foot of my bed smiling at me saying "It'll be okay hun" just like she did anytime I was bummed about a bad date, or was frustrated with something at work. She even accompanied me along on a date once, just to meet this guy that I was beginning to really fall for. I miss her so. My throat is just all knotted up from smiling at my memories but also from trying not to let the tears begin, because once they do I don't know how to stop them.

She wanted to live in a loft in downtown Dallas, and I struggle because I am the one in a highrise. Not a night goes by that I don't look out my window and wonder why she never got to realize that dream.

Friendship is the most wonderful blessing on this earth. These angels who enter your life share everything from your most horriffic dates, to your biggest fears, and your greatest joys. The fact that I am still living, experiencing things that I cannot share with her is painful. There are things that I cannot bring myself to do, and I'm not sure I ever will be able to. She is still in my cell phone, and I just cannot bring myself to erase that number. Yes, it belongs to someone else now, but that was my connection to her, and I feel like I am keeping a part of her with me, and I'm being a faithful friend by remembering her in little ways like that. Maybe it's odd...who knows. But for me it's comforting. And our address book on the computer...Her address is still on there. It is just a fleeting moment when I see her name, but those moments are important to me to reflect on her and the gift she gave me by sharing some of her precious years with me.

To my Michelley...I love you and miss you and am missing you terribly at this moment. No matter what I will always remember what you were...a true light, and a source of joy - which you will forever be to me. My dancing buddy you will forever be...

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