11/12/08

In-laws...Out-laws...Adopted-laws

First off, the boys and I spent the day in fabulous Baltimore, and I will blog about it tomorrow probably and have LOTS of pics to show off. Baltimore has captured my heart and I am excited to take Norman back and start taking in the local culture. I was snapping pictures left and right as I was driving, so I have tons of stuff to bore you with! lol

But this blog is going to be about a phone call...a special phone call that I am touched by. But first, rewind a few years back to 1998. I was actually engaged for over a year and a half back in my early college days to JJ. Anybody remember JJ? Bless his heart, he was so sweet and would have given anyone the shirt off his back. Plus, who doesn't like a college baseball player at that age and time in your life? He became a Christian while we were dating, and that was so wonderful, but the boy COULD NOT manage money. The pity was that he HAD the money, but he couldn't remember to transfer from the stocks to the checking account and I finally realized that I shouldn't have to deal with such a major issue, and that I deserved better. His business sense would have totally gotten us in a big mess!!

The strangest part in this whole story, is that JJ's mom and step-dad and I had gotten very close during that time. So close in fact, that they encouraged me to not settle. It sounds so odd, but we were very close, and they loved and respected me, as I did them. So fast forward 10 years. All this time I have kept in touch with Mary and Bill. Phone calls, letters, pictures...

I visited Mary and Bill before my first blind date with Norman, and they were supportive and excited. Well, Mary called me today to update me with their new info, since they have just moved, and so we got to talk for the longest time tonight, as I was driving back from Baltimore with the boys.

It is no secret that we don't have a relationship with my in-laws, and that because of the steps Norman has taken to protect our family from dysfunctional and unhealthy behavior, we are not well liked. And of course since I'm the wife, I'm the scapegoat. That gets really old, especially since I don't have any enemies, or have ever had any really serious issues...with anyone...in my life. I mean we all have issues along the way, but nothing terrible or life changing. So anyway, back to my conversation. It was such a blessing to me. She told me that I was still her "adopted" daughter-in-law, and just expressed the sweetest sentiments. I talked to her a bit about the fact that it was especially meaningful to me because of the situation we are in with my "real" in-laws, and she was just so positive and encouraging to me.

Her main point which was comforting to me was the fact that they don't care to know me, because if they did, they would KNOW me. I don't know why I let it bother me so much. Honestly Norman has made peace with it all, and I am the one who struggles with it most often I think. Maybe he just keeps his internal conflicts to himself...I'm not sure. All I know is that I keep wanting to "fix" the situation, but there is nothing I can do. So I will be thankful to my friends and family who know my heart, know my intentions, and know my character...And I will rest in the fact that I am blessed more than I could ever imagine by a Godly husband who is a living example of scripture, and I know that he will be rewarded for the care and guidance he brings to our family. By Norman removing us from the situation, and not allowing anything to affect our marriage, hurt our children, and separate us from our duties as christians and as parents, I feel like he has been a true example of this verse...

Matt 19:29 "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or
sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a
hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life."


As a side note, I want to ask for prayers for my friend Donelle and her family. Her 29 year old cousin was murdered in Oklahoma City this week and they are trying to cope and learn how to let him go. He had a teeny baby girl, and their family is in desperate need of prayer. So on that note, be thankful for those you love...who love you...and who know you. There is truly no greater gift on this earth...

4 comments:

Melinda said...

I know how you feel about your "adopted-in-laws". I too keep in touch with my first love's mom - and our conversations regarding settling sound too much alike : ) I am sorry that a relationship does not exist b/n you and Norman's parents because I am sure that it bothers you more that your kiddos are missing out on having a second set of grandparents.

On the side note - - I have been hearing about your friend's cousin on the news lately and am so sorry for her tragic loss. I will definitely keep her and the rest of her family in my prayers.

Stacey said...

Thank you Melinda. I saw a news clip they have been playing on KOCO channel 5, and it is just heartbreaking. This is one of the times I hate being so far from home, because I can't be there for my friends...that part is so hard.

And that is neat you keep in touch with you "almost" MIL too! It is such a special relationship, isn't it? I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who treasures that kind of relationship...I'm fairly sure some people probably think its weird! lol

Cajun Mama said...

That is so wonderful that you've maintained such a close relationship with them.

I am sorry about your friend's cousin. I'll keep them in my prayers.

ladyfi said...

How great that you have some wonderful adopted in-laws! Sorry to hear about your friend's cousin.

Thanks for stopping by today.