4/28/11

Hard Decisions

I will keep this brief, but wanted to keep everyone up to date on the happenings in our household.  A week and a half ago, Eli was admitted back to Laurel Ridge for med changes.  They changed things up, sent him home on a Friday, but by Sunday he was raging so badly that we had to take him back in and have him re-admitted.  That is where he currently is, and we are not sure when he will be coming home. 

I can’t explain in great detail, because not everyone needs to know, but if you would like to know how to pray for us and how you could help Eli, please leave me a comment and I will be more than happy to fill you in and let you know what is going on. 

To sum it up, it boils down to this.  Both of our children cannot live together under the same roof.  Let me re-word that.  Both of our children cannot safely live under the same roof.  Key word…safety.  It breaks my heart to have to finally say this out loud, but it is something that Norman and I have been realizing for some time, and have finally come to grips with.  Eli’s 4 day a week therapy schedule isn’t making a dent, he is medication resistant, which leaves us stumped as to what other condition besides Autism he deals with.  Many people don’t realize that most children who are autistic or who have Aspergers also deal with some other type of neurological, developmental, mental or other serious illness.  For Eli, what that other diagnosis is, is still unclear.  But for those of you who are our close friends…who have been with us to the mall to the play land areas or to the park, or to the zoos and really know him.  I mean REALLY know him.  Know the Eli that is at home with us everyday, every night, and influencing Chase every waking moment, we have come to know in our hearts we have to separate our children for the safety of Chase.  And for the sanity of Eli.  We love both our children dearly, and for those of you who followed along our pregnancy and miscarriage journey for so long, you know what a joyful blessing Eli was and still is to us. 

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We have made the decision to put him in a therapeutic boarding school.  We are living on faith alone in God that he will provide a way for us to pay the ungodly tuition, but we know that this is it…our last chance at doing the very best we can for both boys.  And when it comes down to it in the end, I have to know that even if it took every cent we had, we did the best we could for them. 

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I will not give names, but Norman and I know and have seen first hand what happens when parents don’t intervene when siblings are seriously hurting each other.  I always was heartbroken over something that I had no control over and over a childhood that I couldn’t fix for someone else.  But I CAN change this.  We CAN do better.  All we can do is try, pray…and keep trying. 

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I will be starting fundraisers soon to help raise money for his tuition.  He needs it medically, and the therapy he will get there will be 24/7.  Insurance doesn’t cover a dime, and it’s not like Norman just got a 50% raise to make this painless.  I ask you to please share my blog with your friends…with anyone you know who might like to order a beautiful piece of jewelry once in a while to help us with Eli’s medical care. 

Please be watching my blog for the first awesome bracelet that will be available for purchase to help Eli.  This is no easy decision…but it is the one we had to make for our family…for the love of both of our boys. 

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Thank you for all of your love and sincerity and prayers.  There are days that I wish I could sleep away and make all the hurt and fear go away.  But I just have to keep telling myself that God is leading us in every way; we have given up on trying to figure this out on our own; He is the reason I am able to get up and out of bed every morning. 

For all of you who have healthy children, please be thankful for them every single day.  For those of you who are like us…struggling to breathe and just survive in some moments, our heart breaks with yours and grieves with you.  To my best friend “K” your pain is not your own…we love you and share it with you and are always here for you.  To our new found friends…Jani’s parents, your example is one that I admire and find strength and comfort in. 

I know two things.  God does not make mistakes, and I know that God does not lie.  So I have to work on my faith in Him and that he has a better idea of what is going on than I do. 

I ask again to please share my blog, because I will very shortly be putting up some jewelry pieces that will benefit Eli.  And I hope to get a thermometer to let everyone gauge our progress through this fundraising thing.  It’s uncharted territory for me; but I know that alone we can’t do this.  So maybe my little jewelry shop can help.

All our love and thanks and appreciation. 

Stacey

10 comments:

Ammossweetheart said...

Stacey if you ever need to talk you can get me on Facebook or email (mle0205@ymail.com). I am about to start the medication process with Lane tomorrow and I look to your journey for the strength to do what is best for my baby. You are one of my heroes and I am praying for you always. I am always here if you need an ear.
Mandy

samskat said...

Stace, I am so sorry for you guys! You are such amazing parents, and I know that your hearts are just breaking. Please know that we love you and that you are all in our thoughts and prayers. I will re-post your blog on my Facebook page and see if I can't drum up some business for you!!! Love y'all!!!

Ally said...

Stacey-
I saw your link on FB the other day, but wasn't able to click it while at work. i just got a spare moment and wanted to come back and read this.
My heart sank to my stomach when I read this. I am just sooo very sorry that you guys have to do this. I can't even begin to imagaine or understand what it must be like to have to make that decision, so I feel helpless and have no clue what to say.
I am so glad you have your faith...without faith I don't think people can make it through these situations.
I will continue to think of you all and keep you in my prayers, and I will repost your blog link on FB.
Please call me anytime. (((hugs)))

Christy said...

I'm so sorry, Stacey. My thoughts are with your family.

Baloney said...

Stacey. I am so, so sorry.
I will look for posts on Facebook and try to help you out.
There are a lot of people who won't understand your decision. I pray that you will have the confidence and wisdom with how to deal with them.
I know this must be so painful for you and your journey has been so hard already.
I'm praying for you guys and wish you all the best.
Hugs to you.

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

I'm so sorry. You are on my prayer list.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear of your story, but I too have the same one. My son is now in a residential treatment facility. He has been there 3 months today. It is killing me because I can't see him like I want but I know that it is best for him but it doesn't make it any easier. Would love to talk sometime and compare stories offer support, no one can understand how hard this decision is until you have had to make it. My son will be 13 on the may 14. drop me a line if you like: bjbartram@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear of your story, but I too have the same one. My son is now in a residential treatment facility. He has been there 3 months today. It is killing me because I can't see him like I want but I know that it is best for him but it doesn't make it any easier. Would love to talk sometime and compare stories offer support, no one can understand how hard this decision is until you have had to make it. My son will be 13 on the may 14. drop me a line if you like: bjbartram@yahoo.com

Emily said...

I found your blog through Oklahoma Blogs and was delighted to see another military wife from Oklahoma, but I'm sorry to find you in the midst of such a struggle. You'll be in my prayers.

Cassandra said...

Stace- I am just looking at your blog after many many months. I just want you to know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers. I just can't imagine all that you are going through. I know that God has you in His loving hands and will see you through everything life hands you, but I also know it's a daily struggle while we're here on earth. I love you my little cuz. I'm here if you need me.