12/19/16

Life on Bugatti

I can't believe we've been in our new home for a year and two days already!  The time has flown by, and even though we are taking our time getting settled into our home, we are really loving our neighborhood and our wonderful neighbors!  It literally has been since we lived in Dayton, Ohio that we made any close connections with neighbors, but here we have met and been spending some time with some really awesome people!  I love that so many sweet people live on our street, and that the boys all have friends nearby who come over to swim and play X-box pretty frequently.  Our street is known around Frisco for having some of the best light and decoration displays for Halloween and Christmas, and that has been amazing as well.  We are so blessed to have found this house, and I will forever be grateful to my BFF Misty for telling us about this house the day it came on the market. Thank you chick!  

Of course with all the good, there is inevitably the not so good, and I've experienced that too.  To make a long story short, I've been dealing with the problematic issue of extremely low blood-pressure (around 80/50 usually) and a rapid heart rate of anywhere from 120-170 beats per minute.  I had decided to not really say anything about it, but in doing research on my diagnosis of Pots Syndrome (Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia Syndrome) I realized just how newly recognized this syndrome is, so I wanted to write about my experience a little bit.  I don't want to bore you guys with a long list of symptoms, but this article is excellent in describing a lot of what I deal with on a pretty constant basis.  Like with anything, some days I feel just fine, but other days I find simply being upright is a challenge.  If you are interested in learning more about this syndrome, please click here.  

During all this time we had been going through some things with family, and I realized I was letting myself get wrapped up and angry about things that were happening with people that I don't need to get wrapped around the axle about.  When people say hurtful things about your spouse, you tend to want to lash out...to defend them...and given the fact that I rarely use the filter that God gave me, I usually do.  But this time I just threw up barriers out of protect mode.  Any way to block accounts, close things down, I did.  But something in me changed this week. I just don't care.  People don't all have the same outlook on life, we don't all think the same way, face the same struggles, or believe the same things.  I don't know if the struggles in my own life have just made me realize that some things just aren't important and not worth staying up nights worrying over.  Family is family; I grew up believing that family always puts each other first.  It has taken me 15 years of marriage to realize that not all families believe this is true, or more importantly, behave that this is the case. Do I wish matters could be resolved?  Yes. Emphatically yes.  Do I think they ever will be? I'm not so sure.  Sometimes people are so caught up in their own situations that they are unable to even realize whether their lifestyle is healthy or not...whether their marriage is healthy or not...whether they are truly happy or just spending their life trying to convince themselves that they are content.  

Everyone is capable of change, and when it comes to your family, you always hope that change can happen.  But I've realized that I'm done worrying about whether or not it will happen.  I'm done losing sleep over something I have zero control over.  I will not block my accounts or my life.  No more hiding. If our family wants to be a part of our life by keeping track with us on social media, I won't prevent it.  My only hope is that for my husband's sake, I pray he will be able to get the resolution he wants someday.  Because this isn't about me.  I would just once like him to have a connection with his family that I have with mine.  


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