January

Well, we made it in our new home! And my gut, as much as people will not believe me...my gut says that this is home.  I woke up tearful and overwhelmed yesterday morning, pushed through the days issues such as our packers forgetting to put us on the schedule, them breaking a back part of Chase's dresser mirror and losing all the hardware for my beloved formal dining set and more...but bottom line, we are in.  I woke up again so teary...this is so not normal for me, I mean, I get emotional, but this past month...well, going back to November even, it just has been so hard, and in my heart of hearts, I know that this is home.  No matter what problems may arise, we will have them together in this home.  I am just full of so much gratitude and hope and joy that perhaps we have finally found our forever home.  I may only be 39, but with my back, and P.O.T.S. syndrome...it has worn on me and this is where we land.  My soul needs it for Norman and me...our place to grow old, and my children need a place that they can call home.  Eli was born in Alabama and lived there, Ohio, Virginia, Louisiana and Texas by age 5.  Chase was born in Ohio and lived there, Virginia, Louisiana with a short stint a couple of times in Oklahoma and Texas.  That's a lot for kids.  Military kids endure a lot.

But anyway, back to my post.  I realized that my weepiness in the month of January is normal for me, and just like clockwork, as soon as January hits I am reminded daily of my best friend who died on January 11th, just days before Chase was born.  She wanted to get the first call...and she did, although I did not realize the groggy voicemail message I left her would never be listened to, unless someone from the ME's office thoroughly checked it out.  It was also in January...that same time frame, a friend...a young military wife became a widow only one week after her son was born.  Her strength and determination encourage me daily.  I always start this month out this way, then I remember the feelings, I let myself fully embrace them and honor them, and I have learned to give myself grace this month.  I recognize that this is an emotional time, and I'm thankful for Norman who allows me this time of reflection.  But all that coupled with my bone marrow stem cell treatment and back pain and move, and my parents farm nearly burning to the ground...I'm on overload.  Why do I post this publicly? Because I know I'm not alone.  And I've come to admire the people brave enough to write about their struggles...for Facebook lives about their struggles and not let them be ashamed but use their pain to help encourage others.  The Bible isn't filled with joy on every page...pain is where we are tested.  I have a long way to go on my journey, but I have committed to sharing my journey publicly.  When I do my first live it will probably be awful.  But be patient with me as I grow.  You can only get that live page by staying tuned here.  I will post it soon.  

It's past 6:30 am eastern time here, but since we didn't get to sleep until after two due to getting beds put together, I think I'm gonna attempt another hour or do.  Blessings to all, even to the ones we don't speak to.  My 2019 is all about what's done is done,  Fires, car accidents, significant health issues and more make everything seem so stupid .  Sometimes loving from a distance is the only valuable way to keep the peace, and that's fine.  Whatever keeps the peace and does not stir up bad thoughts...it's all about letting the past go and finding out how you can love and wish people well from the sidelines.  The most important part, I've come to realize, is that you have to be ok with it never being reciprocated. And that's ok.  You don't do random acts of kindness with the idea of getting anything back right?  But you do it because you are compelled to do so.   But I'll tell you what.  Getting run over by the car in my accident in November was a huge, HUGE reality check.  And that right there was something I was keeping to our family, but I realised that I had another chance to make it right.  What good does a near death experience do for you if you can't find the humility to try to set things right? It would be quite a loss to pretend it never happened.  So on that note, I will conclude this post with this thought.  Every single thing in our family can be used as an example for good or bad.  For me I'm focusing on transparency and sharing the good and the bad.   God uses all things for his glory.  I will focus hard on that this year.  Good night friends, or good morning, wherever in the world you are reading this from.  

I will post a link to my IG page for you to follow along if you don't already.  And don't forget, comments make my day!!!  😁 Have a loving day, and take a moment to just be thankful.  And if you do a Random Act of Kindness (RAK) please tell us in the comments how you blessed someone's day!

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