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1/5/20

Insomnia

I slept for an entire hour...woke up thinking I was 15 and had a boyfriend who lived in the U.K...and it wasn't until I woke up because I couldnt find the mints my imaginary boyfriend gave me, did I realize that I am the very American mother of 2 who is not 15 but 40.  After realizing all that I feel like maybe I need a therapist and some stroooong sleeping pills.  🀣

But laying here...I know I am right where I not only need to be, but I'm the only place I want to be.  Over the past few days so many thoughts have come to the surface.  All family stuff...just different family stuff.  This farm girl still has a farm...but it's not the farm that has burned an indelible tattoo on my heart.  And it seems that over the years we have gone from farms here and here and here...and now we have one. I still can only think about letting Lariat Creek go in the tiniest doses, because already my throat is burning and I want to scream and cry about how that was mine. Not selfishly...but as a family decision, Jordan got certain places and that was the only property that I cared about.  You know...its funny how I grew up always openly talking about "after your mom and I are gone, what do you want?  Let's get it worked out so  we dont have to worry about it when you are grieving and you aren't in a place to make rational decisions." I am so thankful for that way of thinking, because I really did not understand that everyone didn't think that way.  I am so thankful to God for placing me in their family.  For making me their daughter.  I have learned so many things as a farmer's daughter, and so many of those lessons out there, at Lariat Creek that it is impossible to separate my childhood from LC. All the critical rules like making sure you drink upstream from the cattle...that is where I learned that. Before I learned that...well...I must say I have a pretty strong system because God only knows what I drank. I also have to add in here a story that relates to nothing...but means so much to me. There is a family of wild turkeys that live out the camp.  For years my dad has received call after call after call for permission to go turkey hunting before Thanksgiving.  But he has always said no. Whether they were close family, church friends...whoever.  My dad taught me a valuable lesson about the precious relationship...and not only that, but God-given responsibility to care for his creatures.  Those wild turkeys have always been so beautiful and it's almost as if they feel safe, because for being wild, my dad sure had a close bond with them. It is because of that close bond that the turkeys are not afraid of people. My dad has protected them, which is why they aren't afraid to come up close to people, and my dad refused to take advantage of that trust year after year.  There are so many things I admire about my dad, but most of all it's his ability to see the importance and significance of the smallest of things.

Moving 18 times in that many years of marriage was ok...it never phased me...because my cabbage patch dolls and barbies were in my childhood bedroom... that has been the same since I was 13 and my bratty self told my parents I couldn't bear another slumber party until all Strawberry Shortcake was stripped from my room, because that was just horrifying.  In the home my parents have sold (but are living in until their new home is finished being built...that is where all of our beloved pets...horses, dogs,cats...where their funerals were held with the seriousness of a humans funeral...because I will tell you something.  There is a bond I have with a horse buried under that huge oak tree that understood me better than most people.  That was a time when my grandma and my horse were my best friends and they know all my angsty 12-14 year old secrets.  My favorite memories were going out at 2 or 3 in the morning, jumping on Harlan, no bridle, blankets, saddle...and laying back with my head on his rump, and star-gazing while telling that beautiful creature all my school drama, all my junior high crushes...there weren't many lol...as he wandered around grazing  and probably wondering why I didn't have more human friends.  Well...the older I get the more I realize the benefit in letting your deepest secrets be told to animals who can never repeat them πŸ₯°. That farm that Jordan I have as the only remaining land that will be ours I can only hope that my children can love it as much as I do, and recognize the legacy in it. The blood sweat, and tears...I can't ever let it all go. It's what I have left, and it's a precious gift...I've wrecked my dads truck into the garage...I've spent many nights singing Bible hymns to momma sows as they were about to give birth, I've yelled and cussed out a horse (Harlan) who stepped with his front left leg and stood on my right foot when he had nowhere to go and I fully believe he enjoyed thoroughly keeping me stuck there.  Let me tell you friends...you cannot push a horse off of you. You cannot slap him to startle him...nope. that little standoff was not too painful bc I was wearing boots.  But he and i had anger problems for awhile 🀣🐎 and he got the silent treatment from me, which I am sure he was thankful for.  I am convinced he understood me more than he let on though.

I've been pondering these things more and more as Norman's own father has been back and forth between hospital and home.  As he is not my flesh and blood father, it isn't my place to discuss his health. But the bottom line is that life is precious.  And no family is fully able to have everything prepared.  But sweet friends...it is so important to let everyone know how much you cherish them.  If there is anger, address it. Then follow up with "I love you despite of these things. I may not understand, but I love you". That is so, so powerful.  At the end of my life I would want to know if I'd hurt someone so I can make it right.  Granted, I'll admit I'm an odd duck so you can take it or leave it.  But when I think about the end of my life, I want to provide apologies...which given my no filter probably means if you know me, take a number... but I dont want to have anyone hold back anything that needs to be said. So say the "I love you's".  Say the "I'm sorry's". Say the "you hurt me's", and most importantly... dont say goodbye.  Say, "I'll be singing with you soon...". Because THAT is the whole point. I have stood in the tomb...what Christian's believe to be the actual tomb where Jesus wais lain. I have touched the rock where Jesus was believed to have been praying - which is housed in the the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.  There is only one thing to be sad about death...and that is if you aren't a believer.  Otherwise, shouldn't we all be planning our joyous reunion with He who loves us more than we can fathom?

So anyway...I'd say this is the epitome of a scattered thought post. But it's 6am and I've had an hour of sleep.  I do hope to get the album/book together from our Israel experience book, and that is something I want to be 100% clear headed when doing that.

Love to you all πŸ’–πŸ’—πŸ’–
Stace
The tomb where Jesus was believed to be laid

Inside the tomb

Inside the cell where Jesus was lowered into the pit after he was arrested


Norman touching the rock inside the Church of the Holy Sepulchre 


1/2/20

So I Thought I Was Done...

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Something new...for the New Year!!

So much has happened since my last "real" post! We went to Israel...which was amazing...and I had back surgery...twice! I will blog about those experiences, but for now I wanted to try something new.  There are some great, great deals to be found on Amazon, so I thought I would share 3 of them with you! If you want deals on certain items, leave me a message and I will get it to you as soon as I can. But for now, enjoy these deals, and enjoy the bright start to 2020! Happy New Year everyone!!!

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10/19/19

Getting Ready for Israel!

Gosh, we are getting so close to our Israel trip, it's pretty much all I can think about.  Amazon is working overtime delivering all of the things we are needing to have for the trip.  I'm still in a state of shock that we get to go, and I'm even more thankful that my parents are going, plus, crazy enough, a relative of ours from the Cannon side whom we've never met is going...it's just crazy.  What a way to meet a long lost relative than on a trip to Israel.  If that isn't a God thing I dont know what is.

I'm going to pull our luggage out this week and start slowly packing, that way if I realize we need something, we aren't down to the last minute rushing to get something delivered.

Norman took the boys today for a boys day to an escape room.  They all had a great time and came home and crashed, so I guess that's the sign of a successful day out.

I met with my surgeon, and my spinal fusion is scheduled for Dec 3 (for the 1st one), and 5th for the 2nd one.  They have found the results are better if you dont do them the same day.  Norman's is scheduled now too, for February 10th and 12th.  Well, that's all for now.  I took a pain pill and am feeling pretty loopy.  And sleepy.  And I should probably get off of here before I start buying stuff on Amazon while on Percocet 🀣.  That never ends well.

Have a great weekend!!
Ciao!

9/9/19

It's been a minute!

Gosh...I cannot believe so much time has gone by since I blogged last!  Admittedly, we have just been doing the day to day mundane stuff, but it still is crazy how time gets away from me.  We are now only 60 days away from our trip to Israel!!! I can't believe it...it is really sneaking up on me.  I still can't believe we get to go on such an amazing trip.  I've never done a guided tour, much less a 10 day completely jam packed trip like this.  I am so excited that the boys get to have this experience with us...and not just with us, but with my parents too.  It was such a snap decision on our part...my parents told us they were going for a second time, and before I knew it, the words "we want to go" flew out of my mouth, and now here we are! πŸ˜€ I guess I still have a tiny bit of spontaneity in me despite turning 40.  This is a HUGE bucket list trip for us, and I can't wait.  I will probably be blogging about this for 6 months after we get back! 

I am still seeing the spine doctors, and Norman is too.  I have a nerve block/epidural scheduled for this Thursday, and I am praying it works.  I have 6 appointments to get out of the way before my surgeon will schedule anything more invasive, and at this point I'm ready for invasive.  I now understand how back injuries can be completely debilitating, and I feel for anyone experiencing that.  It makes me so sad that Norman is dealing with the same issue, but hopefully our doctors will get us all straightened out.

We have decided that we will move back to Oklahoma...crazy right?  I never thought that I would want to move back, but after some big decisions were made about our farm, I really felt a need to get back home and to be near family.  We decided to build our next home and make it a one floor house, and I am actually really excited.  I can't wait to have more space (2 or 3 acres)...and more privacy. And possibly be neighbors with my brother's family and my parents!  After all this time away, that seems like an impossible feat.  I will just be thrilled to get rid of stairs and feel completely steady on my feet; and I also think that it will take us building a home to get us to stay put! Ha!! If anything will make our gypsy souls rest in one spot, surely the headache and hassle of building our home will do it.  I'm just thinking about what I want to have on our little plot of land.  I may have to get a goat or two! But we have 18 months or so before we seriously start looking to get back there.  So for now we are just focused on getting our back issues fixed, and then make sure we do and see what we want up here before we leave.  The time will fly, and we will be moving before we know it.  

Mission ball is 18 days away, and we are excited for that.  Last year when we went we had no idea what we were in for, and this year, getting to see all that Generosity:Global has done to improve the lives of so many...well, we are thrilled that we were able to link up and get involved in their mission. I will be blogging about the ball afterwards, so stay tuned for that! 

Well, that's all I have for now.  Maybe next time I'll have some pictures to post 😝.  These text-only blogs sure aren't very exciting!  I hope you all have a great week!