Life After the Air Force!: Moving Forward

Life is a funny thing. Sometimes the things you swear you were put on this earth to do, you find out that you aren't able to do those things at all. When the things you relied upon with complete certainty suddenly fall apart, you are left struggling to figure out what direction you are supposed to take. I guess that's where I am.

The adoption....the failed adoption...it is still not something I can fully deal with yet. But I will briefly explain what happened, because in my last post I said I would.

Norman grew up in a home that was full of narcissism...verbal and emotional manipulation. Braden was starting to do this to us. He was starting to completely unravel and become controlling to us and the boys. Change our communication style, change the way we talked and he had started to outright scold us and lecture us on some of the common phrases and communication styles we have used our entire lives. We were completely dumbfounded...we have never experienced anything like it before in our lives. To sum it up in one word...well...two words...it was total narcissistic behavior. It dredged up ptsd, and the boys were struggling as were Norman and me. After panic attacks and 4 sleepless nights, we realized that the peace we had worked so hard to have in our family was about to be undone, we stopped the adoption.

Our hearts are broken. We know that we were Bradens last chance. But we couldn't sacrifice our peace and safety.

Letting go of the lifelong plan I'd had of adopting is something that I am really struggling with. I suppose it will always be something I carry with me...this place in my heart that I had given to Braden...I suppose it will always remain this painful piece of me.

That is why it has been so long since I blogged last. Since my last blog, I've had a birthday, Norman, Eli and I got Covid again, school has started up and Eli is a junior and Chase is in 8th. Chase had decided to go back to public school, but after seeing Covid get out of control here and this state doesn't have any mandates in place to control it, he adamantly declared that he would happily stay home. I have enrolled them in a few homeschool programs, so that they can make friends and get more established here. Eli will start drivers ed in another month or so, so we will be on the lookout for a car for him. Our babies are growing so fast...ready or not.

That's all I've got for now. I'll attach a few random pictures of our family that were taken over the summer.

I hope all my blog followers are doing well and surviving this Covid madness. Thanks for continuing to follow me even though my blogging is so random. Have a great week!